What's The Point?

It's been almost a year since my life was turned upside down, yet again.

One year ago, I had no idea that I will be writing my blog from Hyderabad after one year. I have learnt to take the unexpected shocks that life throws at me every once in a while as pleasant surprises.

I decided to move to India hoping and wishing it will fix my marriage, but the moment I landed in India, my marriage ended. Then I moved to this brutal city with my daughter who misses her home in America every night.

I missed writing, but life in India is unnecessarily hectic. To be able to write is a luxury when you can't afford to cook and eat homemade fresh food. Work-life balance is so 2016.

After almost a decade, I am living in a completely different part of India and I can't help but notice the chaos we have made of our lives. I have tasted the bitterness of the life in a metro city. Baffling traffic, suffocating pollution, noisy ads, sky-rocketing living expenses, nutrition-less food, ruthless battle of survival of the fittest - I have been asking just one question to myself all these months, what's the point?

The working class moves to this city for a better lifestyle, but how does it make it better? Even if you're making a lot of money to buy anything you want in this city, there's no quality of air, water and food - The basics of healthy life. These are the things that money can't buy. Then what's the point of spending all this money on all this over-priced stuff?

It is so disappointing to purchase vegetables and fruits in this city. I miss those days when my Dad used to grow eggplants, okra, tomatoes, chilies in our backyard. The food doesn't taste the same anymore. It doesn't have the same nutrients. I worry for the young generation.

Ever since I moved to Hyderabad, I can feel that I am not getting enough oxygen while I breathe. I feel there's less life in me than what I had in America. There are no decent children's parks here. In a small town of Glendora, we had four different parks in one mile of radius from my apartment. When I moved to Hyderabad, I enrolled my daughter in one of the most expensive pre-schools, and she practically learned nothing in four months. Then what's the point of all this money I spent on the fees?

Money is just a tool here. We want to provide the best upbringing to our kids, and money is certainly a good tool to do it. However, I have realized that I will not be able to give my kid everything just because I have money, and yet the majority of my time and energy is spent on just making a living. Such a waste of the beautiful life that can be lived in a much sublimed way with a much higher purpose. To be able to give food, shelter and clothes to your family shouldn't be this difficult that you have to make a choice between whether to be able to feed your family or to spend time with them.

The list of disappointments is endless. My intention is not to sound anti-India. I love the country that is full of warmth and emotions, but what's the point if we can't even find time to express our emotions?

I am not too worried about me or my kid because I don't intend to live in this city for a very long time, but this is alarming. My heart cries for the people who spend hours in the traffic to commute, work under a lot of stress and go home and sleep. I am also one of them right now, but sometimes it is extremely necessary to stop going with the flow for once and contemplate why you are doing what you are doing.

I still don't have the answer.

It's like I am constantly trying to improve things that are completely out of my control, but I still keep trying because that's all I can do. As they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger; I am still alive and I have become much more stronger in these eight months than I did in eight years in America.

I am looking forward to find out how much farther I can push my limits.