My Most Harmful Habit

 

There are two types of people I have seen in life. One, who blame others and circumstances for their failures in life. Two, who blame their luck and themselves for their failures. I have been both these people at some point in my life.

Growing up, I had ambitions. These ambitions evolved and coupled with hard-work and focus. I came from a middle-class family. Our definition of success was very limited. A good job, a good marriage, a happy family. A flat, a car, a vacation. To become a doctor, get a government job, have a reputable social status. What more do you need in life?

I got most of these things by the end of my 20’s. Then, in my 30’s, I didn’t have anything to achieve. I was struggling in my early 30’s with some major personal upheaval. I was in the survival mode. In my mid 30’s, I finally found my footing and switched to thriving mode. But I still didn’t have direction. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I see a lot of the people in their 30’s facing the same dilemma.

I want to talk about this circle of life.

Getting Through Midlife Crisis:

It is a very debilitating feeling. To wake up in the morning and have nothing to look forward to. To not being excited about your life. I dread this feeling the most. This despair. I was struggling to find direction.

I tried a lot of things. I learned Kathak. I learned to play the guitar. I got some professional certificates. I tried gardening. I tried baking. I published my book and started writing the second book. I tried to move back to America. While, I was struggling to find my calling, COVID hit. All my efforts to thrive shattered like a house of cards. Those two years were even more difficult. I again went back in the survival mode.

It wasn’t until mid-2022 that I came out of my self-inflicted coma. I was awakened to a new phase of life. All the suppressed enthusiasm and ambition erupted like a volcano. I had no choice left but to thrive. I was unstoppable. I felt like a bird who was just freed from a cage. I couldn’t do anything but fly high in the sky.

Find Your Calling

In a way, COVID was a blessing in disguise for me. During COVID, I realized my calling. My calling wasn’t Kathak or guitar or gardening or baking. It was writing. Once, I realized it was my calling, I pursued it sincerely. Once the sincerity came into the picture, the universe automatically opened a lot of doors for me. I met Boman Irani and several other excellent writers during COVID. I learned screenwriting. I wrote my first feature screenplay.

A lot of people don’t know what their calling is, what their passion is. I didn’t know it either. I kept trying different things until I found it.

Cut Down the Noise

To be able to find your calling, you must cut down the noise around you. We are very reckless about what we put in our body and mind. Today, we have so many options for everything that it becomes more vital what you say no to than what you say yes to.

You’re an average of the five people you spend most time with. You’re a sum total of what you eat. People eat and consume junk all day long. The most basic favor you can do to yourself is to delete all social media apps from your phone and stop eating junk.

Once I got myself out of the social media frenzy, my mind suddenly became more powerful. I realized that social media was like an unwanted weed in the soil of mind that wasn’t letting my brilliant perspectives bloom.

Beware of Limiting Beliefs

I was complacent in my professional life and I had accepted my bad luck in my personal life. I had accepted that this is as good as life is ever going to get. I was a financially independent single-mother and a mid-level manager in a big MNC who found her calling in writing. What more can I ask for, right?

Only when I met people who were crazy enough to dream outrageously, I realized the biggest vice of mine. I didn’t necessarily meet these people in person. I read books, I listened to podcasts, I watched movies.

I learned the most important lesson in life. More important than everything else I have learned in life. Here it goes.

My limitations are self-imposed.

Once I had this realization, I was able to suddenly see all my limiting beliefs that only got me so far.

Become a manager.

Find a decent producer to make my film.

Swear off relationships because I am not good at it.

Have one steady source of income.

All of the above are limiting beliefs.

I didn’t try for a promotion after becoming a manager. I thought it would be too stressful for me to go any higher than that.

I didn’t try to pitch my screenplay to the big production houses. I thought I’m a newcomer. If I find any small-time producer to agree to produce my film, that’d be sufficient.

I didn’t try to find a relationship in my life. I thought I didn’t find it in my 20’s when I tried hard for it. How would I find it in my 30’s when I’m past my prime?

I didn’t try to increase my income because I was making decent money for a family of two. I thought I’d become greedy if I expected more money.

I was shackled by my own limiting beliefs. I accepted that this was the best life could give me. I, and only I was responsible for my mediocre life. No one else. Don’t ever make this mistake in your life.

Ask yourself every day - what are my limiting beliefs?

I’d repeat this to my daughter until I’m on my deathbed – your limitations are self-imposed. Every day, work on identifying your limiting beliefs. Once you identify them, discard them and replace them with a more empowering belief.

Only you are responsible for what you achieve and don't achieve in your life. Dare to dream big. Then dare to work hard to achieve them. 

Never settle for less. Never. Identify your true potential and work hard to realize it. Then work harder to make the world see your true potential. 

Now, I wake up in the morning and immediately am consumed by the adrenaline rush just by thinking about my true potential and the goals I want to achieve in my personal, professional and spiritual life. 

My biggest fear is to die without realizing my true potential. 

I want everyone to achieve their highest potential. That's why I want to end with one piece of advice - 

Don’t settle until your dreams and goals have become outrageously big.