The Other Side Of The Story

I grew up thinking women are better than men, and thus they should have more privileges than men. Now it is ridiculous to think this way if you grew up in India. I was either utterly stupid or extremely unobservant who couldn't notice the wide gap between men and women's rights. Or maybe it was the way I was raised where my sister and I were given more privileges than my brother.

As I grew older, my thoughts on feminism have become more mature. As a teenager, I used to believe women should have more rights than men. Then I accepted that both should have equal rights, and now, I have come to a point where I am open to be convinced otherwise, quoting Sheldon Cooper - Here’s my jaw. Drop it!

During my college days, I always felt superior than boys. These were the years when I was raw, like a clean slate. I was given the opportunity to build my own beliefs and I did. But then when I came back home and became a part of the social environment and witnessed the norms and rules that I was expected to follow by the society, I decided to change my beliefs a little. I came to an understanding that to have harmony in the society, both men and women should have equal rights, and this is the one and only agenda of all the feminists in the world.

The problem is feminism ends here. This is the scope of feminism - to have equal rights for women, which is why I don’t consider myself a feminist. Earlier, only women talked to each other about equal rights, now they expect men to participate in this movement. However, not once, I heard any feminist ask a man- what do YOU think? Should women have equal rights? If not, why?- Being a woman, it might seem very obvious to think that women should have equal rights as men, but we never try to get a man's perspective. Let's ask them with an open mind what they really think about feminism. This is when I evolved one step further in the process of understandinng feminism.

When you hear Emma Watson, Reese Witherspoon or Priyanka Chopra talk about feminism, it seems like a one-sided monologue. Where's the other side of the dialogue? If they are representing all women, why doesn’t a man come forward and represent all Men and agree or disagree with them? It almost seems like men are just nodding their heads only because they don’t want to get into an argument with these aggressive women. In a perfect world, men and women should be able to have a healthy debate on this.

Having equal rights is not always a viable solution. It is unanimously accepted that when an ambulance is approaching the traffic, the ambulance has the first right to move ahead. Why? Because it is either on its way to rescue a patient or taking that patient to a hospital. It is a life-threatening emergency. No one has ever raised their voice and said my vehicle should have an equal right of way as an ambulance.

If Anushka Sharma complaints that Ranbir Kapoor got way more money than her in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, then we should tell her that it has more to do with your caliber as an actor than misogyny. He has a bigger fan base than you and he is considered a bigger star than you. You can never match his performance in Rockstar and Barfi, and plus, the story was centered around his character, not yours. If you want an equal pay, then choose equally challenging roles. I am sure Vidya Balan got a much higher pay for Kahaani than Nawazuddin Sidiqui, even though Siddiqui is a much more talented actor than her, because the story of the movie revolved around a female character and Vidya is considered a bigger star than him. The same goes for Kangana and Rajkumar Rao in Queen.

I have learnt a lot from my bad marriage. I have learnt to listen to the other person, and give them a chance to explain themselves. When a man says I should have more privileges than you, I am open to hear him out and ask why, without getting aggressive. If I get a convincing answer, I am ready to give him more privileges, but if you give me a response like- I should get more rights because I am a man, you're going to get a piece of my mind that you'd not forget for the rest of your life.

Unfortunately, no man has ever been able to give me a convincing and logical answer to the question why men should have more rights. I am waiting for that day when one of them can do. If all men can collectively promise that they will end rapes, domestic violence, dowry, sex-trafficking and terrorism in the world, I will give them more rights than women just for not being evil, which they shouldn't be anyway. But until then, they need to stop resisting this wave of equality and comply with it to make it less difficult for women.

If women are not given equal rights, they will snatch them, and that's not how it should be done. It will only create a bigger chasm and vacuum between men and women, and more incidents like what happened to Aziz Ansari will happen, which will eventually hurt both men and women.