Break The Monotony

I have been living a pretty enviable life. Not trying to make you feel jealous but just making a point. Just to give you an example of the kind of privileged life I am living, I spend less than one minute in commuting to and from work because my apartment and my office are on the same street.

In India and everywhere else, when people are spending hours in commuting, I am saving that precious time to be able to spend it with my daughter. I don’t have to deal with traffic and pollution that every Indian is suffering from. I get to eat fresh homemade food every day because I come home during lunch break where my lovely Mom keeps the meal ready for me.

I am living a lifestyle of the top 10% population of the world. I live in a peaceful city, I have a meaningful job that provides me with enough funds to sustain myself, I have a family that always got my back, I am a mother of a six-year-old girl who teaches me new things every day and so on.

Despite all these blessings, I am not at the peak of my happiness level. Of course, there are times when I experience bouts of happiness like during festivals and when I meet friends and family. But during regular days, the happiness level is very average. If my life is that of the top 10% people in the world, my happiness level should also be at the top 10% level, right? Not necessarily because there is a shitty thing about life. You get used to all great things eventually and start taking them for granted. 

Scientifically, there are multiple other factors responsible for human happiness like Seretonin and other endocrine system related factors. But let's not get too technical about being happy.

Not sure if this happens to everyone, but I have noticed a pattern in my life. After three years, I get saturated of the things around me. In the past two decades, I have been moving to different cities every three years. My marriage lasted for three years. I have been changing jobs every three years. Every three years, I feel the unconquerable desire to break the monotony and do something drastically different.

Currently, I am at the end of such a three-year cycle and it’s driving me insane. Is this all life has to offer? What’s next? What if I have to live this way for the rest of my life? – these are the kind of questions that keep me awake at night.

Monotony is a bitch. I have to admit that the only reason I have not opted for a nomadic life is my daughter. Being a mother is a great responsibility and I have made all major decisions of my life around this responsibility. I thank my daughter for keeping me sane. However, there is a restless bug in my mind that keeps looking for new adventures. It’s very difficult to entertain myself. I have to try various gimmicks to keep myself from getting bored from a routine life.

When I say nomadic, it doesn’t mean I love travelling. I actually hate travelling which makes it even more difficult to entertain myself. What I mean by nomadic is I want to try everything. I want to do everything. I want to do different things every day but that requires a lot of time and money which I don’t have.

I am not addicted to anything. Tea, coffee, smoking, alcohol, nothing. I used to be proud of myself for having such great self-control. However, I have realized that I am addicted to a different kind of high. Recently, I got a PMP certificate. I studied hard and spent a lot of money on this exam but when I passed and got the certificate, the high of that success lasted for a total of two days. Investment of so much money and time led me to only two days of high. On the third day, the same question popped- what’s next?

Singing, dancing, Yoga, playing the guitar, cooking, reading, writing – I have been doing a lot of things to keep myself entertained but even these have become a routine now. I am planning to do something drastic in the next couple of months, something I have never done before but the problem is the success of that project is not entirely in my hands. If I fail, I will be back to square one again.

There are certain instances that happened in my life which have made me a bit bitter and cynical. I don’t have the same level of stubbornness anymore to make things happen in life. I have started to doubt the Law of Karma. I used to be a fan of the idea of “Unwavering Faith”. Now, I can’t say with conviction that I have faith in anything. It’s hard to keep faith when things tend to work against you. 

I know that one of the reasons for this lack of satisfaction and joy is my spiritual disconnect with myself and the Universal power.

It’s not important what name you give to this problem- a millennial syndrome, a midlife crisis or a first-world problem. The important thing is to find a solution.

If you have one, let me know.

I still haven’t lost one of the fundamental traits of my personality that helps me deal with problems. I still look for a silver lining in all situations. For this particular situation, my silver lining is this philosophy – It’s better to be a dissatisfied Socrates than a satisfied pig. 

This endless race of chasing satisfaction and joy has led me to bigger and better things in life. Now my adventures have become too big and they require not only hard-work but also equal part fate which seldom works in my favor.

The Geeta says- Live life as if it's a game. Play it like a game and don't take it too seriously. Following this advice, I will continue to play this game of tag and hope someday I will find the eternal oasis of joy within.