Whatever-It-Takes

Every young girl and boy has a dream of marrying someone perfect.

When I was in college, my friends and I used to talk about what kind of husband we want. I can't remember how many nights we spent talking about this BS in hostel. I remember different answers like- I want to marry a cardiologist, or a gynecologist, or a neurologist,  with glasses, or without glasses, tall, with great smile, blah blah blah. I don't exactly remember my answer to this question, but I remember telling them- "I would marry anyone but a BAMS." (Yea, you can laugh at me all you want !)

Anyway, I was trying to say that each girl and boy of a marriageable age has a picture of his or her Mr. Right and Miss Right in their mind. I still know some girls and guys who have some pointless expectations from their future spouse like- He must not be a loud chewer, or he has to be taller than me, or she must love dogs. (The last one just blew my mind...I mean..COME ON !!!) At least my friends and I had such ridiculous conversations when we were teenagers. I just get amazed when I hear a bunch of thirty-some year olds speak with such immaturity.

When I got engaged, one of my coworkers, who had been married for fifteen years, told me jokingly: "No matter who you marry, in every married person's life, there comes a day, when you wake up in the morning, look at the person sleeping next to you, and go- What was I thinking?"

....And Boy, was he right !!

One time, during our weekend conversations in Long Beach, one of my roommates said- "when I get married, I will have this thought in my mind that if this doesn't work out, I have an option of divorce."- The problem is, a lot of the young adults are thinking this way these days.

I have been married only for three years. I don't have any wisdom of my own to share about marriage. But I want to say something based on the numerous couples I have seen who have been married for twenty years, thirty years, forty years and so on. I have thought a lot about how these people could remain together even after so many differences and clashes of personalities and here's the abstract of my analysis.

There is one common thing among all these married people. In each of these marriages, both people have whatever-it-takes attitude. They are determined that I will do whatever it takes to save my marriage.

Remember, both the people must adopt this mantra. If one of them gives up, the other one can't do much. These everlasting marriages are a result of a great teamwork.

In my opinion, divorce is too easy of an option. Divorce means you gave up, you lost. Unless your spouse has major psychological issues (watch "Saat khoon maaf" to find out what kind of psychological issues I am talking about), do whatever it takes to save your marriage. Remember, I said 'major', we all have minor psychological issues.

All these couples I have seen, both men and women have worked really hard to save their marriage. (I want to say mostly women work harder, but I am trying to be unbiased here.) It takes a lot of commitment, determination, dedication, courage, patience, forgiveness, love, understanding, resilience and compromise of both people for one marriage to last.

They breathe and live this simple mantra- "We will do whatever it takes to save our marriage." Even if it means to be treated like a slave, to be forced to leave our family, to do things we hate to do, to forgive the cruelest crimes of our spouse and so on. Many a times, tolerating alone doesn't work. Whatever-it-takes doesn't mean keep tolerating. It literally means whatever-it-takes.

There's a lot been said about this topic, but I think this one mantra is the abstract of all that is said. I do realize that as simple as it sounds, it is very very very difficult to live by this mantra. But then, what's life without challenges !