Circa 1996, I was playing with neighborhood kids. I got into an argument with one of the boys and he pushed me to the ground. I started crying. I felt utterly powerless and weak. I was a timid, low confidence, insecure and scared child. I felt safe at home with my parents but the moment I stepped out alone, I'd feel scared of the predators lurking around to attack me. Not physically, but emotionally, psychologically.
Then something changed as soos as I hit puberty. I wish I could remember the exact moment I turned from a damsel in distress into a badass bitch. But since my teens, I have dealt with the world in the most fierce and feisty way.
It is my defense mechanism. Evolution made me prioritize self-preservation. A woman is forced to be strong and independent because the world around her failed to provide her safety and support. Whenever someone threatens me, my fangs and horns come out, and I would combat that threat with everything I've got. There is nothing I do more passionately than fight those who try to bully me, oppress me, exploit me or scam me. You might say, Ashwini, chill. No one is interested in your life, no one is interested in destroying you. Don't give yourself so much importance.
Well, if only it was true. I am an optimist. I used to be. I always believed that there is more good in the world than bad. There are more kind people in the world than ruthless people. But time and again, my belief was tested, and I had to accept that I was wrong. If you have not lived your life under a rock, you know that to find a trustworthy person is as rare as finding a unicorn. Not just in personal relationships but in every little day-to-day dealing with people. It has become so evident that the moment I let down my guard and trust someone blindly, I will be surely duped by them.
That is why I am always alert as if predators are lurking around me every single moment and more often than not, they always are.
I have realized I must teach Shreesha how to deal with these predators when she goes out in the world. Let's try to sum it up in 5 little mantras.
1. Being gullible, nice, and nonconfrontational is going to kill you some day.
In this ruthless world, someone is always waiting for you to make a mistake so they can prey on you. I remember when I was a student in America, I used to work at an Indian store. One day after closing the store late in the evening, I ran to catch my bus but missed it. Some guy saw this from his car and pulled over by my side. He offered me a ride. I politely said no. He kept insisting to the point that it became clear to me that if I sat in his car, I would not reach home. He tried his best to present himself as a kind stranger whose only intention was to help but I stood my ground and firmly said no. I know that if I had not stood my ground and instead let him lure me into his car, something terrible would have happened with me that night.
2. Do not let salespeople prey on your fears and insecurities.
The world is full of salespeople. Wherever you go in the real and virtual world, there is always someone trying to sell you something in the most kind and beautiful way. People prey on your insecurity, your fears, your problems and try to make a sale out of it. You must buy my term plan so if you die, your child will have security. Oh, the water purifier you use is damaging your kidneys. Buy my waster purifier. People will try to convince you that they are helping you but they are only helping themselves. Your fears and insecurities are valid. However, these salespeople are not going to help you combat them. Never trust a salesperson who is trying to sell you something by targeting your fears and insecurities.
3. The sweeter and nicer a person is, the more suspicious you should be of them.
If you listen to your intuition and instinct, you will never find yourself in a mess. If you ignore your intuition for long enough, it stops warning you. If you respect it, it grows stronger and whispers that something is wrong. When someone is needlessly too nice to you, there is a very high chance that they are trying to dupe you off something. In the US, I lived with a couple. They were always nice to go to a grocery store and buy groceries. I didn't like doing that chore. They also did all the bookkeeping and told me what my share was every month. I paid them my share of groceries every month without checking the bills. After a year and half, I accidentally found out that all this time, they had been taking money from me for their personal items like shampoo, shaving cream, etc. Do not trust anyone so blindly that you become an easy target for them.
4. Do not let them see your weak spot.
Trust me, if people figure out your weakness, they will play with it to gain from you, to put themselves in a more powerful position than you, to put you down and use you as a steppingstone. If people know you are not someone who would stand up for themselves, if you avoid confrontation, if you are bad at comebacks, if you keep enduring their attacks and don't fight back - you will become their punching bag. Just show them your bitch mode once and they will be scared to tamper with you again. Always present yourself as a fierce and strong-headed person. Such people who prey on other people's weaknesses, they themselves are extremely weak. That's why they bully other weak people to feel powerful. The moment you roar once, they will run away and hide in their holes.
5. Empower yourself with knowledge and wisdom.
Never stop upgrading and updating yourself. Ignorant people are very easy to scam. There are four areas of my life where I am hypervigilant and constantly empowering myself with more knowledge. Health, finance, Shreesha's wellbeing, and my job. Time and again, I have experienced that there is always someone in one or more of these areas trying to cheat me. However, I have empowered myself with knowledge so much that they do not stand a chance. However, I feel scared for those people who don't have knowledge and fell prey to such cheaters and scammers.
I wish I was wrong about all of these, and people were kind and honest. I wish I didn't have to be cynical and badass while dealing with people. I wish I could just let go of my guard and freely roam around the world without anyone preying on me. But the sad truth is it's me against the world, and there is no way I am going let the world win this battle.
It's all about the survival of the fittest.
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